After writing such a dismal blog entry, I feel I should follow up with a very happy moment I experienced today. Today my 3rd cousin and her friend flew in from Greece to visit America for the first time. I joined my Aunt and my Yiayia at the airport to greet them when they arrived. After arriving at the airport the first time, we came to find out that my Yiayia misread the itinerary and they were arriving in London at 11am, not in Phoenix. I enjoyed the time spent with my Aunt and Yiayia and happily returned to the airport at 7pm for their actual arrival. We waited at the international arrival gate for a couple of hours, because their flight was delayed. As arrival times grew closer, more and more people would arrive at the gate to greet their partners, friends, and family.
Firstly, it was nostalgic for me. It brought me back to a time when it was not uncommon to be greeted at your gate when you arrived. It reminded me of the joy I experienced when I'd step off the plane and have family members eagerly awaiting my arrival.
Secondly, watching how giddy and ecstatic so many people were to greet the passenger they had been waiting for was such an amazing experience. I wondered to myself how long it had been since they had seen one another.. one week? one month? one year? 5 years? But whatever amount of time it was, these people were missed. These people were loved. One family stood in front of us anxiously awaiting the arrival of a young man and I watched their excitement as he finally came walking towards the gate. Chills ran down my spine as I watched one girl run up to him, crying and hugging him.
Its hard not to smile on the inside and out when you experience happiness in other people's lives.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Drowning
Last night I had a terrible dream. I was wading in a large body of water, I can't recall where, or with who... but all of the sudden someone came from under the water and pulled me down into the depths, and no matter how hard I fought I couldn't come back up to the surface. I didn't drown under the water, instead I was just trapped in an underwater prison, for what reason.. I can't recall.
I'm not big into interpreting dreams, but it isn't difficult for me to find meaning in this one. I've been trying to stay afloat for months now. It was my fault for sinking so low... when the only person I thought could save me wanted nothing to do with me. I've been an empty shell. There's hardly a second that goes by lately that my heart doesn't continue to break. But every day I smile, and I laugh. And some people tell me that my smile makes them smile, and that helps me to keep smiling. Every day I know there is always something to smile about. But there are too many days that I come home and I cry. It's hard for me to admit that. It's hard for me to write about something that to me seems so minute compared to the many tragedies that so many people face. But no matter how much I tell myself that, it doesn't take the pain away.
This time last year I was lying next to the person that I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with. And I feel so naive. I feel so naive for thinking that we had something special, something that you don't find everyday.. that I've never found before. I know this isn't a unique feeling, I know people suffer from heartbreak everyday, and I know people feel like its the end of the world... and I know that its not. I know that people move forward and the pain fades away. But sometimes its hard to believe when the pain I experienced the day it ended in a blink of an eye is comparable to the pain I experience now.
I've lost pieces of myself this year. Its crazy what love can do to a person. I'm so lucky to have friends and family that still loved me and supported me despite how weak I became. I know that I haven't been the best me that I can be, but no matter what I always had someone I could turn to... and I guess that's what marks a true friend, someone who stays by your side through the worst of times.
In 2011 I lost what I thought was the love of my life, and a family I thought I could call my own. And it doesn't matter how capable, confident, or strong I thought I was... when you become insignificant to one of the single most important things in your life, none of that matters anymore.
I hope that in 2012 the amount of tears my eyes have shed will turn into strength. I hope I can turn all of this sadness into something positive. I'm in no rush to fall in love again... this time around I'll guard my heart a little better.
I'm not big into interpreting dreams, but it isn't difficult for me to find meaning in this one. I've been trying to stay afloat for months now. It was my fault for sinking so low... when the only person I thought could save me wanted nothing to do with me. I've been an empty shell. There's hardly a second that goes by lately that my heart doesn't continue to break. But every day I smile, and I laugh. And some people tell me that my smile makes them smile, and that helps me to keep smiling. Every day I know there is always something to smile about. But there are too many days that I come home and I cry. It's hard for me to admit that. It's hard for me to write about something that to me seems so minute compared to the many tragedies that so many people face. But no matter how much I tell myself that, it doesn't take the pain away.
This time last year I was lying next to the person that I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with. And I feel so naive. I feel so naive for thinking that we had something special, something that you don't find everyday.. that I've never found before. I know this isn't a unique feeling, I know people suffer from heartbreak everyday, and I know people feel like its the end of the world... and I know that its not. I know that people move forward and the pain fades away. But sometimes its hard to believe when the pain I experienced the day it ended in a blink of an eye is comparable to the pain I experience now.
I've lost pieces of myself this year. Its crazy what love can do to a person. I'm so lucky to have friends and family that still loved me and supported me despite how weak I became. I know that I haven't been the best me that I can be, but no matter what I always had someone I could turn to... and I guess that's what marks a true friend, someone who stays by your side through the worst of times.
In 2011 I lost what I thought was the love of my life, and a family I thought I could call my own. And it doesn't matter how capable, confident, or strong I thought I was... when you become insignificant to one of the single most important things in your life, none of that matters anymore.
I hope that in 2012 the amount of tears my eyes have shed will turn into strength. I hope I can turn all of this sadness into something positive. I'm in no rush to fall in love again... this time around I'll guard my heart a little better.
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