I was inspired to write this entry because I know one of the first things I did when I heard the word "break," after everyone told me that a break was a breakup, was google it in hopes to find any other alternative to what "break" really meant. So here I am to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I want to start off by saying that I am not the person that is going to tell you that a break means a break up, every circumstance is different and I certainly don't know yours so I will tell you what you can take from a break (whether it ends with you together or apart).
One of the most beneficial things I took from the break was recognizing a tendency to take people for granted. I think its all too common to take the people we care about the most for granted and when someone you love is suddenly taken away from you one of the most powerful lessons that can be learned, I think, is how important it is to really show the people you love how much you love them every day. You'll come to find out that I am not an advocate of breaks, but I will say that had my break lasted that first week, and not been a 3 week drawn out torture, I'd have been equipped with so much more respect and appreciation, and I'd probably be giving a different opinion about breaks right now.
The other important lesson I learned is to take other's opinions of what the break means with a grain of salt (as I sit here and give you my opinion). That's not to say that I didn't value everyone's opinion and that I wasn't grateful for them, but I learned the hard way that taking everyone else's word made the pain far worse. The best advice I have would be to talk to your partner, talk about what the break means, and talk about rules of the break... that all seems so obvious, easier said than done and unfortunately once a relationship reaches a point where a "break" needs to occur, that level of communication probably isn't being reached.
So what next? The bad. Accepting that someone you love could put you in that amount of pain. Its a difficult concept to grasp- that someone would want to put you in such a terrible place and then judge whether or not they want to be with you when you are that low. I wouldn't have wanted to be with me when I was that low. I wish I could say "stay strong" and maybe some can, but if I could do it all over again would I have been less emotional? Its hard to say.
The most important thing I can say is stay true to yourself. Don't do or say anything that you'll regret. Remember how valuable you are, and don't let another persons questioning your relationship define your value. Take the time to empower yourself, realize that the break isn't just a choice for your partner to stay together or break up but its just as much a choice for you.... is enduring the pain they put you in worth it? Maybe. Maybe not.
It's a harsh reality to face that the person you thought you would be with doesn't see themselves with you any longer, but from the other side its probably a harsh reality for them too... and while a break may not be the right way to handle it the other person may see it as the best alternative.
Would I ever put someone on a break? No chance. If I love someone, or ever loved them, I could never find it in my heart to put them through an ounce of what I experienced during the break.
I was told that the break was never intended to be a breakup, that things that happened over the break were the "straw that broke the camels back"... well if you put a 10 ton weight on the camels back it is guaranteed to break. There was the answer. What is a break? Depends. What was my break? A breakup.
